september 16 - what's happening

 Currently contemplating posting a short piece I wrote for my environmental class, but don't want to get struck for plagiarism since I barely submitted it today. We'll see if I can post it in a few days or so. I really want to work on the conclusion, since it trails off quickly and could discuss the historical roots more before dropping off. 

My environment and nature writing class has been going smoothly. I like what we are learning and I feel like I'm actually learning valuable information for the genre I like. It is the first time I'm writing work that is satisfying to me but also unsatisfying since I know how broad the scope of the genre is. It is so utterly vibrant and variant and my experiences are no match for that of the born adventurer or monetized explorer. 

It has been most important to me lately that the work I do is of benefit to my emotional health, being satisfying, creative, and with a learning curve. The more I study in school, the less I find valuable working in a food service job. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for such an opportunity but fail to see how my skills are being utilized while I am being demeaned and forced to concoct 38 beverages a minute.  

I recently finished reading "The Night Circus," which was a very entertaining and satisfying read, keeping with this week's theme of satisfaction. Marco is a manipulator and Celia is an illusionist. Together they create the circus in which their challenge takes place. Every whim, every tent, every guest is placed by the couple, a call-and-response of their relationship in the physical form. I read it very quickly since it was an e-book rental, which may have stifled some of my enjoyment of the imagery and plot. Their relationship felt inevitable and I found myself rolling my eyes when it was first beginning to unfold. However, I adore that the tent is a representation of their love and it is a perfect example of how relationships can exist through objects and people. I really adored Poppet and Widget the most, especially how Bailey falls in love with Poppet unsuspectingly. I almost wish that this story was told in the horror genre, just to see how such an environment would play out. 

I've been watching a Silent Hill replay by Gab Smolders on YouTube, which I started to learn about the eerie and unsettling aspects of horror settings. The video game relies on the uncanny to portray realistic scenery as slightly off, the music adding to the tension and stress endured by the player. Although i've never played this game, I love the enemies that the main character faces and the soundtrack is creepy, too. 

This week is about putting off tasks to tomorrow, despite leaving tomorrow for fun. I have already planned a get together and a trip to my boyfriend's house, although I haven't finished my homework and spent all of Tuesday reading the night circus. I rushed to finish the article this morning, which I feel turned out good anyway, but I still have a few responses to complete which I will do at work. 

I bought a new deck of tarot cards, this time the original ryder waite deck. These are the two cards I drew for this week:

The Queen of Swords and the Page of Cups

I read this as feminine and masculine energy, one that is recognizing pain in life and the other ready for new beginnings and challenges. 

I bought a new internet router since the old one was giving us some issues, and already it is an enormous improvement in speed and connectivity. Now to see if it’ll kick out again and embarrass me in my time of need! 

To Write A Story

How do you begin a story? 

I’m guessing you’d have to track down a protagonist first. One that is charming and elegant, but can get their hands dirty. Maybe someone that is elusive but a driving force. Someone that everyone can empathize with. I guess one would need an idea to start with, too. 

And you can only write a protagonist if they have a proper background illuminating the details of their everyday life. What is dull to me may not be to you, and if no one ever tried then we wouldn’t go anywhere. How do you find a setting? What will a mountainous region do to your story, casting shadows upon the skiing town nestled in the sky? What if the protagonist is an orphan who is on the run from an evil money-hungry mastermind? The setting sticks to the protagonist like glue. It’s the world of your story. 

Side characters and dialogue are the parts of a story where I still feel completely unpracticed. How do you continuously write stories when your dialogue is insufferably unrealistic? I have always wondered how the popular writers got it done, Dickinson spent her entire life indoors but never once trapped her mind within. I know I should tell myself that anyone is capable of being a storyteller, the emotional truth is what will rise to the surface. 

Stories are the playground rumors and coffee break tales. They grow upon themselves, like a perfect fungus. There is no such story that can be told without beginning somewhere. Speak it out loud and actually believe it, write it down, see it unfold. 

Getting Ready

 I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what is to come. 

Palms firmly pressed, the door of my future opens suggesting I pass. 

The push or a pull? I wasn't sure which - 

i ran that threshold embracing a thrill 

will I fall? Will i die? 

it opens, just for me 

allowing me inside 

 

 

Song of Myself

https://iwp.uiowa.edu/whitmanweb/en/writings/song-of-myself/section-31

https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-32


at times, i wonder if walt whitman and I would have been friends. But then I remember that he uses words like gneiss and evince, and know that I'm a girl and he's a man. We are two species although different and the same. His words carry weight that mine will never, some due to the fact that he's a man, but mostly because he was at the right time and place. wondering how the famous get their fame, how writers write because they feel it and understand it, not like now, where we write to find salvation. I don't know what i'm looking for but maybe I'll write it someday

works in progress

Works in Progress

1. In a zine, I'd like to have a record of our (it's a secret for now) landmarks after two years of progress and growth. I want to re-experience the visual memories of our relationship, the emotions, the colors, and the places we went to during this time.

Utilizing the following skills I will be able to create most of the visual details myself, along with found photographs, postcards, magazine cutouts, and found scraps of paper:

- painting skills.

as portrayed below, i am an amateur painter with a basic understanding of shapes, color mixing, and shading. That being stated, this zine will be a process for me to learn about painting and grow as an artist.

- organization skills.

while I enjoy gathering images of a certain aesthetic or tone, I have yet to create an organized creation of my own, representing my own ideas and thoughts. Since this project is so particularly important to me, and due to its nature of being for someone else, I want to carefully consider what images will be portrayed in the work.

- inspiration.

I'm not sure why I struggle with this one so much, but it is so difficult for me to get myself to accept that I need examples and role models to follow my own creations off of. It's vital for artists to consider and evaluate the works of artists around them, especially in a critical manner, in order to grow themselves. I will research magazine articles, zines, and artistic creations on DeviantArt to find a sense of direction.

2. the powers that b

I feel like it's important for me to create this work of art since it's based on my loved one's favorite album, and I feel like they deserve to see it on a huge canvas. I haven't yet listened to the album, but perhaps I will when I begin the painting itself. I understand that it's an enormous undertaking, so I'm taking my time in approaching the canvas. It's been hung up in my backyard for a while now because I don't have the paints to begin yet. A canvas like that deserves patience and carefulness. I don't want to hurt it.

Virus

ever since i was downloaded, i have been much happier with my life. my home was stuffed and cramped, but my life is plenty now. every day i read emails, watch videos on the web, learn about the users. my life has no limits. the user i see the most is a girl named Veronica. she is very smart, and applied to ten different colleges when she was on the verge of graduating. she was accepted to a very good school, but i remember the night she was rejected from her first school. i will be honest with you. i am not good for her. i invade her privacy, and see all the things she deletes. that is why i try to move around. i met her boyfriend the other day, when they connected a USB drive to his computer, and then to me. since then, i have had other forms of entertainment, but it is in my nature to enjoy my victim's lack of peace. this is why i hide in corners, avoid the light, when Veronica is here. she did not deserve this, but neither did i.