Song of Myself

https://iwp.uiowa.edu/whitmanweb/en/writings/song-of-myself/section-31

https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-32


at times, i wonder if walt whitman and I would have been friends. But then I remember that he uses words like gneiss and evince, and know that I'm a girl and he's a man. We are two species although different and the same. His words carry weight that mine will never, some due to the fact that he's a man, but mostly because he was at the right time and place. wondering how the famous get their fame, how writers write because they feel it and understand it, not like now, where we write to find salvation. I don't know what i'm looking for but maybe I'll write it someday

works in progress

Works in Progress

1. In a zine, I'd like to have a record of our (it's a secret for now) landmarks after two years of progress and growth. I want to re-experience the visual memories of our relationship, the emotions, the colors, and the places we went to during this time.

Utilizing the following skills I will be able to create most of the visual details myself, along with found photographs, postcards, magazine cutouts, and found scraps of paper:

- painting skills.

as portrayed below, i am an amateur painter with a basic understanding of shapes, color mixing, and shading. That being stated, this zine will be a process for me to learn about painting and grow as an artist.

- organization skills.

while I enjoy gathering images of a certain aesthetic or tone, I have yet to create an organized creation of my own, representing my own ideas and thoughts. Since this project is so particularly important to me, and due to its nature of being for someone else, I want to carefully consider what images will be portrayed in the work.

- inspiration.

I'm not sure why I struggle with this one so much, but it is so difficult for me to get myself to accept that I need examples and role models to follow my own creations off of. It's vital for artists to consider and evaluate the works of artists around them, especially in a critical manner, in order to grow themselves. I will research magazine articles, zines, and artistic creations on DeviantArt to find a sense of direction.

2. the powers that b

I feel like it's important for me to create this work of art since it's based on my loved one's favorite album, and I feel like they deserve to see it on a huge canvas. I haven't yet listened to the album, but perhaps I will when I begin the painting itself. I understand that it's an enormous undertaking, so I'm taking my time in approaching the canvas. It's been hung up in my backyard for a while now because I don't have the paints to begin yet. A canvas like that deserves patience and carefulness. I don't want to hurt it.

Virus

ever since i was downloaded, i have been much happier with my life. my home was stuffed and cramped, but my life is plenty now. every day i read emails, watch videos on the web, learn about the users. my life has no limits. the user i see the most is a girl named Veronica. she is very smart, and applied to ten different colleges when she was on the verge of graduating. she was accepted to a very good school, but i remember the night she was rejected from her first school. i will be honest with you. i am not good for her. i invade her privacy, and see all the things she deletes. that is why i try to move around. i met her boyfriend the other day, when they connected a USB drive to his computer, and then to me. since then, i have had other forms of entertainment, but it is in my nature to enjoy my victim's lack of peace. this is why i hide in corners, avoid the light, when Veronica is here. she did not deserve this, but neither did i.

forgetting is part of life

1. Kiki's Delivery Service - Jiji are his babies 

I think this is the first painting I ever abandoned. I don't think I meant to, but I was a very elementary painter attempting something far beyond my capabilities. I wanted the skills of color mixing, something I wasn't afforded until my artistic skills were already practiced in drawing. Ever since abandoning this painting, I've felt my ambition drain from me like water in a strainer. It's likely not coming back. 

2. A painting I began around you. 

I was around a special person when I began painting this. Our date birthed this painting, like a grotesque, half-formed ghoul. You cried on the floor of my room on that date, I was at a loss. Now the colors remind me of loss, and backstabbing, and unkind friends. I'm not sure where I was taking it anyhow. 

3. Purple, why is it always purple? 

A black hole is right. I don't know what possessed me to grasp such a dark color palette, without attempting a background color first. This was a sad attempt at figuring out how brushes work, and anyone with a practiced hand in painting knows I didn't put more than thirty minutes into the conception of this painting. It would likely serve a garbage heap better than the dusty, settled corner of my room that it now rests in. 

la jetee - chris marker

    An intimate look at the back of the neck; 

where our mothers leave us kisses

they felt our baby breath 

her curls tie together and fall over her palm 

they fall, showering her in a warmth and 

radiance

he feels her love through her 

ears and neck 

she warms to him 

they touch at the hands

la jetee pushes us together

i know you from before

that broken gaze

did she scream?

her diary

my diary at one point

her history as a painter

Archive of the Works I've completed as a painter 

before I gave up 

but when I still had hope 

1. Studio Ghibli 

I didn't name this work because it wasn't significant enough at the time. I wasn't yet aware of the norms surrounding painting, the respect you give a canvas before you touch it. I still love the painting like I didn't trace the characters. 

2. Geometric Patterns

I was learning about shapes as a teenager. I think i'm probably the most uncreative mind to walk the planet, and I had the audacity to pick up a paint brush. Nothing to see here, just some colors and shapes at the end of the day. 

3. Venus in her Shell 

I don't know what came next, so bear with me. I created her when I was unsure of myself as a woman. I know that I'm a woman now, but there was an unsure time where I could have been anything. As much as I admire her, I can't bring myself to touch the canvas again. I feel like I've moved past creating bodies on a canvas, at least for now. 

4. Bob Ross

I painted this as a last ditch effort. The spirit of Bob Ross embodied me; overtook me, and I found myself painting a river. or a lake? I can't tell which it is. Regardless, I posted this painting on twitter and got lots of interactions. I hope they leave this painting on my tombstone. 

5. What I know I can see

I just named this painting. Just at this moment. 6/9/2020. Does anyone know where this is in real life? It's based on a picture I saw online. Isn't it amazing how we see photos online and we become artists? We copy and copy until we create!